Couples Counseling
You and your partner are stuck in a never-ending rut. You argue about the same things, and you are exhausted. You’re so tired of being in this place, but it feels like you’ve tried everything else to get out. You feel alone. You miss your partner, but you don’t think they are hearing you. Everything seems to be getting in the way – your families, your kids, your jobs, and your phones.
Couples often come to me when they’ve gotten to this place. They’re looking for a way out of the cycle they are stuck in, and they are ready to put in the work to get to the bottom of their “stuff.”
Here are some signs this is the right time to come to counseling:
- You and your partner continue to get stuck on the same issue, and the way you talk about it has started to deteriorate
- You used to feel very close to your partner, but now it’s harder to want to talk about real things with them
- You or your partner have had a major transition in one or both of your lives in the past year
- You have noticed a slow building of resentment towards your partner, and it doesn’t feel as good to touch them
- There has been an affair or major betrayal that you haven’t dealt with yet
- Your relationship is not as close or good as you would like it to be
- You feel more tension than peace when physically near your partner
In couples counseling, I help couples cut to the heart of the problem, instead of going around in circles. My background in working with couples has shown me there are often deeper roots under the surface of an argument. I will help you identify those and start working against the barriers that keep you and your partner from being together in the way you want. After working with me, couples leave with a better understanding of themselves and their partners. They can communicate in a way that BOTH partners can hear and understand. They feel bonded and close to one another again.
What you can expect from couples counseling
In the first session, I will meet with the two of you together to learn what you are looking for in counseling and to get to know you better. I then do one history-taking session with each of you individually. This time is not a time for secrets. Anything I hear in these individual sessions is up for grabs in the couple’s session. Once we have completed the individual sessions, we will come back together and create a plan for going forward in therapy.
In a couples counseling session, we might discuss a recent conflict to see where you are not communicating well as a couple. I might have you practice sharing what you are feeling in the moment you are feeling it with your partner. We might discuss brass tacks of a need one of you has. We could get to the heart of why something is bothering you. It really depends on what you and your partner bring to the session. One thing you can be sure of is that I won’t be picking sides. While it’s a cheesy line, I can be on both of your teams and help you both get your needs met.
Specific information about how I work with couples
The modality I pull from the most is Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), a research-based form of therapy that has proven effective in helping couples identify and then change the patterns existing in their relationships. It can be painful and frustrating when we don’t feel seen or heard by our partner. Some of my overall goals in couples therapy are to help you better understand your hurts, how your hurts impact your relationship, and how to change how you seek support from your partner. I can help you change how you interact with your partner so you feel more connected and known by one another.